Canadian Speedskaters

OK, thank god the speedskating part of the Winter Olympics is almost over, because if I have to look at one more Canadian skater in those awful pseudo sweat-stained spandex suits I'm going to throw up. Really, is that the best they could come up with? Did one of the skaters' moms design and sew these up in her North Ontario basement? They are the worst!! You know the ones I'm talking about: these are the blood-red speedsuits that have the lung-shaped darker red splotches on the upper chest, as well as around the neck. It really looks like some sweat has soaked through the material, just making it darker. The splotches aren't even a real color or shape--they're just nebulous, free-floating and kind of grayish maroon. When I first saw them, I thought it must be some kind of mistake. Especially compared to the sleek suits of the Italian or Dutch teams, the Canadians look minor league. As German skating diva Annie Friesinger said after winning gold at the 2002 Olympics, "Our speedsuits are very light and you can't hide anything." She then went on to pose nude for several magazines, proving indeed that she had nothing to hide, and became a European sensation. The Canadians should take a clue as their speedsuits are the exact opposite of sexy and even though they're scoring some medals, they're giving speedskating a bad name. After all, why does anybody watch these events--it's certainly not for the athletic prowess, eh??