Tiana's Gone

So for those of you who don't already know, yesterday we had an intervention.

At 330am, we woke up our soon to be 17 year-old daughter and informed her of our decision to send to her to a wilderness therapy program in Oregon. At first she didn't quite believe, simply rolled over and said "I'm not going to Oregon." When the transport crew entered the room, she slowly came to an understanding of what was going on. Ten minutes later it was virtually over, as Tiana stoically walked to the waiting van in slippers and her hastily arranged clothes.

We saw her again about 5 hours later when the programs administrators brought her into a conference room crowded with other families and school functionaries. It was the first of several emotional encounters and truly the beginning of a somewhat traumatic day. Quickly we were briefed on the program and then the lead therapist Socratically questioned all family members and kids so we all had a sense of what had led these diverse people to the program. It was very non-judgemental and was easier than I thought it would be. Tiana totally refused to participate. The counselors mentioned that this was her one chance to defend/explain her actions, but she still wouldn't cooperate.

Four grueling hours later we were done and the time came for saying goodbye to the kids. Because Tiana had been a little delayed in the process because she had to get a physical, she was the only one who still had her regular clothes on. The other kids had been searched, issued new clothes and were ready to start the 12 hour car ride to the trailhead. At this point Tiana was clearly angry and would not talk to me, but was still very much in control. She walked into the clean room, never looking back, and that was the last I saw of her. Her personal effects were returned to us about 15 minutes later.

By 230 or so we were on the road, leaving Albany, Oregon with very heavy hearts. It was a quiet car ride home as the skies were dark and rain often falling as we worked out way north. By about 645pm we were home, exhausted from the last 48 hours but feeling good that we had followed through with this extremely difficult decision.

What's next? After 21 days of full-on wilderness backpacking, with group therapy sessions twice a day and lots of introspective time and journal writing, the group of kids will come back to civilization and will meet again at a camp near Albany. Tiana will either be forwarded to the next, less-intesive 30 day phase of the program, or she may be encouraged to repeat the strenuous 21 day program a second time. Either way, she will stay in Oregon at least for another 3-4 weeks.

After the 30-day program, she will again be evaluated and the therapists will recommend the next course of treatment, which is usually 6-9 months in some kind of less structured therapeutic setting, a half-way house, so to speak. If Tiana makes real progress during the 30-day program, and we're able to make some changes at home and arrange for her education, there's a chance they'll recommend she return with us to Seattle.

I compare this with my mom's death many years ago, in terms of emotional intensity. I guess that's a little melodramatic, as in the universal scheme of things, this hardly registers. I know it's the best decision for Tiana, but I miss her so, so much. How many times in just the last few days have I heard somebody coming up the basement stairs, thinking it was her, or woken up in the middle of the night, thinking I heard something downstairs? And all the little personal things laying around the house, the birthday cards that are arriving, or the presents I had bought her months ago, still sitting in the garage....

Each day since she's been gone, I've been sending her an email, telling her about what's going on up here, the weather, and of course sprinkling in a few thoughts about how much I care about her, what we can do to improve our relationship, etc. It's silly, but it makes me feel much better and maybe will mean something to Tiana. Someday.

We'll be getting our first detailed report of Tiana's progress this Friday and I will post updates to the blog.